[32519]

Bridge players are excellent problem solvers. They always come up trumps.

[Zelandakh]

Bridge players do it with dummies (and behind screens).

[GreenMan]

My wife signed me up for a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. --Rodney Dangerfield

[Cyberyeti]

"Is that club natural ?"

"Why how many have you got ?"

[GreenMan]

"You were in 1♣? How did the wait don't answer that." --actually said to me after score comparison

[mikeh]

Cyberyeti, on 2013-June-26, 10:21, said:

"Is that club natural ?"

"Why how many have you got ?"

Along the same lines, and from actual play:

'How many clubs does that bid show?' 'Not as many as you hold'.

There was a local player, who was a 'club expert' who routinely asked those kinds of questions and invariably held the suit, hence my partner called him on it one day, as per above. It didn't appear to bother him, but his partner had the grace to look embarrassed and not to lead clubs (for a change).

[Cyberyeti]

GreenMan, on 2013-June-26, 10:50, said:

"You were in 1♣? How did the wait don't answer that." --actually said to me after score comparison

There is more than one answer to that says the man who played in 1♠ after an auction of 1♠-1♦-1♥-1♠ with the neat curiosity that my partner bid the final contract of 1♠ but didn't declare it.

[GreenMan]

Cyberyeti, on 2013-June-26, 11:22, said:

There is more than one answer to that says the man who played in 1♠ after an auction of 1♠-1♦-1♥-1♠ with the neat curiosity that my partner bid the final contract of 1♠ but didn't declare it.

I heard of someone actually asking how the auction went in a passout, and getting told, "Pass ... pass ... pass ... pass."

[ggwhiz]

After pard and I had doubled a few times in an auction and weren't about to stop Tony Reuss (nickname Tuna) looked behind him and he was sitting right under a sandwich board with Tuna Salad on top.

He said "I hate being on the menu."

Best non-line playing against the muppets Bert and Ernie, Ernie as dummy picked a comb up off the floor, looked questioningly around the table and put it back.

[FM75]

1♣ Forcing 16+ any shape except 20-23 4441 - (p)
1♦ 0-7 hcp (p)
1♥ Forcing either real hearts or preliminary to showing Balanced 19-21, 24-25, or 28-29
passed out.

I expected another bid from you partner...

He felt horrible (and really was rock solid in the system). Naturally it was teams, p had 4 hcp and I had 29 and several 6 level contracts were cold.

[32519]

Brdge players ace their opponents.

[EricK]

32519, on 2013-June-26, 22:38, said:

Brdge players ace their opponents.

What the deuce are you talking about, Jack?

[32519]

Bridge players have finesse.

[EricK]

There's a chocolate-covered biscuit bar available in the UK called a Club. On Monday night, I arrived at a table and my RHO had a couple of these on the table in front of him. So naturally, I turned to my LHO and asked "What do you understand by your partner's two Clubs?"

[hautbois]

GreenMan, on 2013-June-26, 11:27, said:

I heard of someone actually asking how the auction went in a passout, and getting told, "Pass ... pass ... pass ... pass."

But were all the passes in tempo? A hesitation could reveal useful information for play.

[hautbois]

As a novice witnessing a completely artificial auction, partner tables the lead and asks, "Any questions?"

I figured it was just as useful a question as any, "What's the speed of light in a vacuum?"

Dummy answered my question earnestly in metric followed by an explanation of the auction.

[Hanoi5]

After not defeating a contract because of the opening lead a wife asked the husband in a loud voice, 'But why didn't you lead a club?', and he answered a bit coolly: 'Because you were the one who led to the first trick'.