[661_Pete]

I had no idea where to post this, but it's more about Bridge than off-topic stuff, so prefer it to be here.

And please understand: this is not a "misery-guts" post, notwithstanding the title! If you read on, you'll see I've something positive to say here.

I've been on and off the meds for some years now (currently, I'm off - not so much because I'm feeling better, but because I feel they're not working, at present).

One major characteristic of the illness, is that I find myself losing interest in the sort of hobby activities which I used to enjoy. For example, I haven't touched my piano for years - partly because a chance remark by my sister 'put me off'. And other hobbies too - I keep on falling foul of the "can't be a***ed" feeling.

But bridge is a positive thing! Partly because, instead of doing things on your own, which makes it all too easy to 'lose interest', you are constantly interacting with other people. This is something that certainly eases the effects of depression. If you play regularly, especially at a club, as I do, you have to keep on playing. Flouncing out would be letting down your partner and that's an incentive to keep trying. And - at least I find this - apart from the physical effort of getting to the club venue - you don't need to fire yourself up with a lot of motivation, to play bridge. You just sit down at the table, and it all happens!

When it goes wrong at the table, on the other hand, it can go very wrong for me. I don't mean bad play, or bad luck. I can handle those, all right. I mean getting into a spat with another player. A few weeks ago I did something a bit naughty. Well, more, stupid. It was merely a gesture of exasperation - certainly no intention of gaining advantage by means of improper behaviour. But an opponent pounced on me - told me off roundly. I profusely apologised at once and promised never to "do it again". End of story, so I thought.

But a week later, same opponent (who has a reputation as a 'loose cannon') made an unpleasant remark touching on the same incident. This upset me so much that I 'lost it', big-time. In fact, by the time the session ended, I was virtually in tears. I haven't been to that club since.

But - luckily for me - I've found myself another club, and people there couldn't be more pleasant. I've been taken into their arms as a welcome new recruit. And - although the standard of play there is certainly tough, I can see that! - I haven't exactly disgraced myself: managing over 50% in each of the four sessions I've played thus far, with a different partner each time.

I just hope it doesn't go pear-shaped this time.

Forgive me for rambling on. What are other people's experiences? Because I'm sure there are others out there...

[DozyDom]

I think it's amazing how much this post spoke to me. I've struggled with depression throughout my school days, and it's been bridge that's kept me going at times. My school's bridge club is what's led to most of my current friendships, and it's the place I've always gone to in order to lift my spirits. It's only been the last year or so in which I've been taking bridge seriously as an activity outside extremely casual play, and that's improved my life massively as well. Being part of the U20s squad, and being successful at the local clubs, has been an absolute wonder for my self-esteem, and has made me more confident in the rest of my life as well.

I've had very similar experiences with friction at the table to you - a disagreement with a partner can definitely have me close to tears on my way home from the club, though I've only once had that kind of animosity from my opponents. I'm lucky to have such a convivial bridge club in my area, I think. Just like you, as well, other activities have never had the same uplifting effect, though perhaps I've just never got into them enough.

Thanks for posting this here, by the way.

[Cyberyeti]

I've had two incidences of depression in my life with very clear causes and nothing in between. The first one was family related, the more recent one has more relation to bridge. I got ME, and the fatigue meant I couldn't commit to doing anything that demanded a morning departure as I couldn't guarantee to be able to get out of bed. The diminution of my social life including bridge then got me severely depressed. I found myself more irritable than normal (sufficiently that my neighbours complained about me swearing loudly late at night), I suspect I was not fun to play with at that time, although the standard of my play didn't change much.

The most difficult thing for many people is to talk to somebody about it, fortunately a year or so before I encountered somebody while playing a MMO where we both felt comfortable discussing this sort of stuff with each other. You never know who it's going to be, for me it was a girl in the Netherlands the best part of 30 years younger than me, but she helped me immensely by listening, empathising and commenting intelligently, but mainly just by making the time to be on FB when she was really busy.

Interestingly I was sent on a NHS "understanding your mental health" course by my GP after that and I realised she'd handled it pretty much like a pro. She said some of it was her HR training and the rest was dealing with her mother who was close to my age and had similar issues.

[FelicityR]

I'm no psychologist/psychiatrist/mental health nurse but the simple fact that you acknowledge you have depression and are prepared to do something about it - play bridge! - is so positive. Don't let a few unpleasant people at the bridge table ruin your own therapy. Unpleasant people exist in every facet of life, and I turn away from their negativity.

I've spoken to people who have had depression, and the same theme comes up again and again: interacting with other people is good. So just talking and mingling with people in any situation is a way of taking your mind off what brings you down. The worst thing, they said, was becoming introspective, withdrawing from society.

I wish you all the very best and take care. Kind regards, Felicity

[PhilG007]

Bridge is fun. That is why millions of people around the world play it....for entertainment but,as you have found,you might not think it
at times. Bridge players are human and they have all the failings that the flesh is heir to. They come in every guise;the merry,the sad,
the gabby,the silent,the ladies and the gentlemen,the bitches and the bastards Hard though it is to believe,they are having fun,why else
are they there at the table(?!)

You've already seen that a 'must have ' at this game,in addition to ability is a thick skin. One learns early in one's bridge life the art
of self defence. I can recall a long time ago a partner who went down in a stiff 3NT For the sake of politeness,I said nothing.
But when I was curtly asked "Why did you raise me to 3NT?" I simply replied "Because you could have made it."
I always find it astounding how 52 bits of cardboard can bring out the beast in otherwise pleasant folk.

My advice to you,is simply laugh it off and put it down to experience. Don't let it get under your skin.
Remember,it IS just a game,after all (!)

[diana_eva]

Interesting topic, OP, thanks for posting.

Philg, 'laugh it off' is not something that works for people struggling with depression. You might as well tell them 'cheer up', doesn't really help.

[Cyberyeti]

diana_eva, on 2018-June-03, 04:41, said:

Interesting topic, OP, thanks for posting.

Philg, 'laugh it off' is not something that works for people struggling with depression. You might as well tell them 'cheer up', doesn't really help.

I'm not sure if he's saying "laugh off the depression" or "laugh off the other guy's reaction", I read it as the latter

[diana_eva]

Cyberyeti, on 2018-June-03, 04:47, said:

I'm not sure if he's saying "laugh off the depression" or "laugh off the other guy's reaction", I read it as the latter

Yes me too. Still seems simplistic and annoying for someone who actually has or had depression.

[Cyberyeti]

diana_eva, on 2018-June-03, 04:56, said:

Yes me too. Still seems simplistic and annoying for someone who actually has or had depression.

Being in that situation, for me it IS just about possible to do that once you're no longer depressed. If you have chronic depression rather than acute, it may be more difficult.

[PhilG007]

Cyberyeti, on 2018-June-03, 04:47, said:

I'm not sure if he's saying "laugh off the depression" or "laugh off the other guy's reaction", I read it as the latter

The latter is exactly what I meant I learned early in life that the world is full of narrow minded people I learned to live with it. and rise above it.
In my youth I used to get really upset at what I regarded as unjust criticism. Living six decades among men has toughened my hide.
Does it bother me now?! Huh! When I hear anyone upbraiding me now,I don't even bother to turn round and see who's doing it
That is the attitude to adopt. Be indifferent

[661_Pete]

Many thanks to everyone above for their interesting and thoughtful replies. It all helps!

About 6 months ago, just after another particularly upsetting thing had happened, I couldn't have started this thread. But that's history.

PhilG - I hear what you're saying but I have to agree with others here - your last line doesn't quite hit the spot as far as 'good advice' goes. Sorry. But you make up for that with your little anecdote about the 3NT contract. It reminds me of something that happened to me only last week. I think I handled it better: let me give the story, if I may!

In this case, my partner - who was new to me - had just opened 2NT (20-22). Sitting with a balanced 11-pointer, I didn't need a first-class degree in maths to figure out that 20 + 11 = 31! So there might well be a play for 6NT even without a long suit. But I didn't know how to bid it! I didn't even know whether 3♠ would signal 11 points. In our brief introductions to one another before the session, we'd agreed most conventions but not a slam convention in no-trumps. I was afraid that 4♣ (Gerber) and 4NT (quantitative raise) might both be misunderstood. And I didn't want to languish in 3NT, not at matchpoints.

After some thought I went straight to 6NT. Alas! one down and a 'bottom'. Of course I apologised profusely to my partner, explaining that I didn't know where to go - he said he'd have understood a 4NT quantitative raise but it was too late!

But later my partner sent me an E-mail in which he, quite charmingly, apologised for his mistake here (and another one in another hand). It was only when I looked at the traveller that I realised: he'd opened 2NT on 19! That missing HCP had made all the difference. Of course I replied to him saying, please don't mention it, no need for an apology: I quite understand, everything was fine!

Such episodes are the sort of thing to give one a 'lift'. But in order to be able to 'laugh something off' - as Philg puts it - you need to have a reason to laugh it off, first....